| I was bored... . |
[Feb. 7th, 2008|11:43 pm] |
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| |  bored | ] |
You are the moment when the last bell rings and school lets out for the day. You are resistant to schedules and obligations, so you love feeling like you're in control of your life again. You are the very moment when the second hand hits the 12, and the halls fill with noise and motion. Even if your after-school time is packed with activities, lessons, or a job, somehow, you just feel freer in the late afternoon than you do earlier in the day. Maybe it's all that blue sky and afternoon sunshine? Nah -- even on rainy days, 3:15 is always a beautiful time. |
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| I was just wondering... |
[Feb. 7th, 2008|07:51 pm] |
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| |  contemplative | ] |
What it would be like to be the person for which things like this get written?
I'm thinkin' she's loved a lot. ;) |
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| A Quickie |
[Feb. 1st, 2008|10:45 pm] |
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| |  tired | ] |
I don't know why it's been so hard for me to update my journal. There's been lots of things going on and it's not like I am never near a computer... . Maybe I'm depressed a little, I'm not sure. Ira and I have been home-bound pretty much. First he was sick, then it was me, and now it's Amelia. We've spent a huge amount of time watching the debates and the nightly election news in between watching reruns of "King of Queens," and "Everybody Loves Raymond." I'm always telling Ira he's a cross between Raymond and Douglas. It's been WAY to cold to walk the dogs or to do anything outside for that matter so our pups have been going a little stir crazy.
Last weekend was Amelia's birthday. She's six now. We bought her a Canon digital camera in an effort to promote electronics to her that aren't just game related. She and I have spent far too much time on our matching Nintendo DS Lites!!
This weekend we have a few things planned. Tomorrow morning after Amelia's ballet class I have some baby shopping to do. Yes, B, I'm talking about you! That should be pretty fun. Then, later we're all going to see Obama at the Target Center, and then on Sunday Amelia and I are going to the movies to see the Hannah Montana Concert. She's pretty excited about that. Tickets were $16 apiece though. It pisses me off that I caved and bought them because they're so over-priced. But the show is only here a week, and I knew Amelia would be so excited to go.
Well that's my sorta quick update. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2008|02:47 pm] |
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| |  annoyed | ] |
"Remains of adult, fetus found; Marine charged." Wow. That was the headline on CNN's home page today, regarding Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach. I was struck dumb when I heard the news and I am still amazed that I live in the same world as people who would commit such a heinous crime.
I think about my kids - all allowed to grow to full-term and be born healthy and loved, and I feel so bad for her baby - never even given the chance to take a breath outside of its mother's womb. I know I am in no position to judge anyone, yet what kind of a person is so hateful and cruel?
It's been a long month. Jeren's been staying with us and costing an arm and a leg. He brought a friend along and I've caught him lying to me twice already. The friend, not Jeren - not about anything big, but lies nonetheless. I'm really happy to have Jeren around, but wish he was alone. |
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| Goodbye For Now My Friend |
[Dec. 11th, 2007|07:03 am] |
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| | sad | ] |
Teresa died five days ago, but I haven't felt like writing about it till now. Everything in my head knows that she's happier - in a place we, still in this world, can only wonder about, but never truly comprehend. She knows the secrets and mysteries and answers that through time have amazed and evaded us and finally now, after all these years, she sees the people she's loved and lost and most of all, her problems are non-existant. Like I said, my head knows all this; my heart doesn't feel that way though. I'm going to miss her horribly.
There's only one way to have what she has - but getting there - getting to that point - scares the hell out of me, and I know I'm not ready for it to happen to me for a long time. I'll miss my friend - she made me feel so important. A simple visit to her with a small gift of chocolate (as her years increased, so did her passion for sweets) was always rewarded with a smile and a protest that I shouldn't have done it. I used to buy us the same books - biography types that we would both devour and later compare notes about, and she would tell me background information not contained within their pages. But as time went on, she couldn't concentrate long enough to really enjoy them anymore, and the candy became the staple I knew I could count on to make her eyes light up, and of course she'd make me feel like a million dollars for just that small gesture.
Today is her funeral and I'll be saying goodbye one last time to a woman I chanced to meet just 7 years ago, and was lucky enough to call my friend. |
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| Happy Hanukkah - Day 1 |
[Dec. 5th, 2007|07:11 am] |
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| |  calm | ] |
My friend is still hanging on, if only by a thread. It's so hard to watch someone die like that, but even with all the sadness, witnessing the unending love from my friend and the endless compassion and care given by her daughter is something that I'll never forget as long as I live.
Amelia's horse died over the weekend and she had a really hard time with it. Poor thing - she really loved him and once again we find ourselves having the "talk" with her. She's only five. Her mom is beside herself - she had owned Desi for a long time and despite him being an older horse, she wasn't expecting the winter to bring this.
It's Team Leader Training Time at work so we're really busy with greeting all our country managers and catching up with them on work details and personal ones as well. Our holiday party is on Saturday and most will be leaving after that, and a week of non-stop classes and presentations. It's a busy time of year.... .
Oh yeah, and more snow. More that we know what to do with. It's getting less pretty with every snowfall. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2007|12:36 am] |
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| | complacent | ] |
 Today it snowed. I can't really explain it, but for some reason today's accumulation of nearly six inches didn't send me into an immediate bout of depression, and it didn't even put me in a tailspin, collecting and organizing all my mittens and hats and making sure they match and that there's enough pink in them to keep me satisfied.
I simply marveled at how beautiful the flakes were, and how I could actually hear them hitting the ground as I opened our front door.. It was really weird, and I wish I could explain it better.
This has been a really hard last few weeks - actually a hard last few months. There's been a lot going on and I haven't really gotten a chance to come to terms with one thing before another has happened.
First of all, my friend Theresa is truly living her last few days. It's so hard to see her like this, and I find myself hoping she goes quickly before she is in any more pain. But then a wave of guilt floods over me and I ask myself who do I think I am that I can wish someone to die. I'll never forget her - what a sweet, kind soul she is and with the heaviest of hearts, I know I'll soon be saying goodbye again to someone I have known and loved for all too short of a time.
A while ago I got an infection on one of my toes - no doubt something I caught at the nail salon, and I could just slap myself because people have warned me that I should always bring my own tools for them to use instead of hoping they're sterilizing the ones they have. To say this has been pure hell would be an understatement. My toe is so ugly that I can hardly stand to look at it. After months of being treated (five trips to the doctor and one emergency trip to the hospital where I was treated for blood poisoning and given morphine), I was finally told this week that I'll probably never have a nail again - if something does grow back, it most likely won't even resemble a nail. I don't know what's worse, the incredible pain, or the fact my days of having perfectly manicured toes are gone.
Ira and I are in counseling. Can you believe it? After one year of being married we are seeking help! Don't get me wrong - I'm so lucky to have Ira. When I think of some of the creeps I dated, and how so many people that I've met since moving to this area have let me down, he is the only person who has always stood by me and been someone I could count on. But the man drives me crazy at times and I'm sure I do the same to him. You could say this is our insurance policy that we always stay together and that we keep trying to work things out.... . Or you could just say that we need help to communicate.... You could say whatever you want I guess. Truth is we're still madly in love, but sometimes we need a little direction to keep us in the right direction. Still.... how bad is that - just barely a year! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2007|11:52 pm] |
Today it snowed. I can't really explain it, but for some reason this morning's accumulation of nearly six inches didn't send me into an immediate bout of depression, and it didn't even put me in a tailspin, collecting and organizing all my mittens and hats and making sure my sets match and that there's enough pink in them to keep me satisfied. Today I just marveled at how beautiful the flakes were, and how I could actually hear them hitting the ground as I opened our front door. . It was really weird, and I wish I could explain it better.
This has been a really hard last few weeks - actually a hard last few months. There's been a lot going on and I haven't really gotten a chance to come to terms with one thing before another has happened.
First of all, my friend is truly on her last days. |
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| Broken String and other stuff |
[Nov. 13th, 2007|11:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
Tonight while practicing on my guitar, I broke my first string. A little scary and surprising at the same time! It just popped! Now what to do? Should I try to replace the strings on my own - I have two packages as spares - or do I go to the guitar store and ask them to do it for me? Either way - I am done for the evening. *sigh*
I got a huge headache at work today and had to work with window light as the bright fluorescents were only making things worse - queasy stomach and all. The worst part about it was that I had to cancel seeing Theresa because I couldn't take a chance on passing something on to her if I was contagious with something. I felt bad because she's just getting over an infection of her own and I would have liked to see her and make sure everything is okay. One of these days my friend will not rally back like she has been doing. I worry a lot about her.
Ira's dad arrives on Saturday from Florida and I have lots of things to do before then. He's staying with us for two weeks so I have to "un-store" everything I have been putting in the spare room. I feel so bad for him - his life is so different now that Helena's died. I know he's so lonesome for her and there's really nothing anyone can do for him. Just time.... Gawd, I hate that word... . There's never enough of it - and it's something you just can't buy no matter how much money you have.
 I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, but with Ira's dad here, I have one less room for the boys. That means I need to find someplace for Jeren and no doubt, his girlfriend, Sarah. Mychal's going to stay in Amelia's room and she can stay with Ira and I. There's so much to do before then and already I can feel the stress coming on.
We're not going out of town this year - partly because of the boat purchase, and partly because we haven't had a Thanksgiving in our house for at least three years, and partly because Ira's dad is with us. It should be pretty fun though - of our kids, we'll have Mychal and Jeren and Amelia here. I took the entire week off - it'll be nice to have a break.
I'm a little ashamed to say it but I'm also excited for the Friday after Thanksgiving! This year Amelia and I are planning to get up real early and hit some of the sales.
We still haven't made solid plans for transporting the boat here. Ira's going to call this company from out of town to see if they have a truck we can lease from them. They're so expensive though! The cost is nearly $500 after you figure in the gas, miles and travel expenses.
Last week Ira bought me a Play Station Portable (PSP) and a Harry Potter game to go with it. After cruising through EBay, I found some really neat accessories for it too. I've been waiting for my Sony LocationFree to get here and the wireless adaptor. Once they arrive I can use the PSP to watch my stuff at home that's on my DVR. How cool is that? I can't wait! |
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| Cool News! |
[Nov. 11th, 2007|10:45 pm] |
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| | calm | ] |
 Alright - so Here it is - our newest baby/pet project/money pit! Now I can't wait for winter to get over with so we can get back on the river! Ira and I talked about moving to a different marina and saving a little money, but I think our options are going to be limited because of the size of the boat. I'm not complaining though!
I'm thinking winter is going to be even harder to endure this year, knowing what's at the end of it! The sailboat was cool - but this is even better. It sleeps six inside and more if anyone wanted to sleep out on the deck and watch the stars. Already the boys are saying they'll want to stay overnight and stay on the boat with friends. It's got electricity and the marina has wireless broadband so they're all excited.
Despite the fun roadtrip, I hafta say I'm glad to be home. Jeren and his friend Aaron watched Anabelle and Mr. Snickers for us, and when we got back, they were pretty much ready to head back to Cloquet. I thought they might consider staying a couple days more, but they had been here since mid-week and their girlfriends' were wanting them to get back.
It had been so fun to visit and catch up with both of them. Jeren is really something - despite all the setbacks I've had to endure - despite all the people who did more harm than good to our relationship, it's turned out to be a really great one and like all moms I suppose, I don't know what I'd do without him. I came home to a spotless clean kitchen (including stove) and bathroom by the way. I couldn't believe it - who'd have thought?!?
And Aaron - well I used to watch him when he was a little kid. His dad and I were best friends and I was doing daycare when Jeren and Mychal were little so I had offered to keep him with us during the day. He was born just three days ahead of Mychal and it was easy to get attached to him. It's nice to see that he's grown up into a really great young man.
As usual, it was kinda sad to say goodbye to them tonight. It's always sad for me to say goodbye to the kids, no matter which one it is and no matter how long they've been here. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2007|10:03 pm] |
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| | cheerful | ] |
 This weekend Ira, Amelia, Coco Chanel, and I went to Wisconsin to buy a boat. Chanel drove.
Ya know, generally I absolutely HATE anything to do with Wisconsin. This stems from my days of going to college in Wisconsin and taking crap every time the Vikings lost a game against the Packers. On the days they won - I took shit too - "always a brides maid.... never winning a Superbowl...." Whatever - shut up. I still have a hard time seeing anyone in a Packer Jersey... . UG!
I have to tell you though - aside from ONE person - every single Wisconsinite we came into contact with were some of the nicest people we could have ever imagined! We had the worst dinner Saturday evening, but the waitress was so incredibly nice it didn't even matter! Even the man we bought the boat from was so friendly and accomodating. We have to go back in a couple weeks to pick the boat up, and we have plans to stop at the "From Minnesota With Love" store and bringing him a present.
It was a nice trip - but long - and thank goodness we met so many nice people along the way.
And then of course, it was really nice of Coco Chanel to help with the driving. |
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| Bailee |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|11:31 pm] |
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| | lonely | ] |
I was thinking about Bailee tonight after someone posted some pictures of their pretty pups on LJ. I still miss him so much and I wonder if I'll ever really get to see him again. It made me miss him all over again, even though it's been over two years. Mr. B. There'll never be another.
Guitar class went pretty good tonight. I realized I'm not the only one having problems remembering the chords. I think if I really make a point to practice every day, that I'll be on top of it by the next class.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with my boss to go over my job description and bonus structure. Then I need to catch up on everything before I leave for the weekend. After that I have one more week of work, and then an entire week's vacation. Lots of stuff to do then too. Most importantly I need to change my social security to show my married name. I know, I know, it's been over a year since the wedding... pathetic, eh?
I'm excited for Saturday to arrive and for our trip to Wisconsin to look at the boat and to just get away. I'll bet the drive is pretty with all the colored leaves and all. |
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| times a changin' |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|06:00 am] |
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| |  cold | ] |
Jeren's here today with a friend. He's going to watch Anabelle, Mr. Snickers and Coco Chanel while Ira, Amelia, and I go look at what's hopefully, our new boat, on Saturday. It'll be nice to visit with him for a couple days. He's bringing a friend - not girlfriend Sarah, but Aaron - a boy I used to babysat while I was going to college in Cloquet.
Aaron's dad and I were really good friends, but he got married shortly before I moved away, and we pretty much lost contact. I hate when that happens, but more friendships do that than don't, and those that stand the test of time of few - precious - but few.
It is "Pig-Stinkin" cold here this morning! I ask myself why I'm still in Minnesota every year that winter begins to set in. Then I remember Ira, my kids, Amelia, Scarlett and say.... "Oh yeah, now I remember." Not a consolation, mind you - it's just something I say. ;)
I hope work isn't too busy today. I really need to do some catching up. Then there is the whole guitar class thing and I need to practice before I go there. Last night I was really depressed about not learning the chords as fast as I should be - nothing seemed to stay with me. Then I made some practice charts to play to and actually made great progress. I wish I would have thought of that a day or two earlier.
Ira's mom and stepfather are touring in India. I miss them, but can't wait to hear about everything they've seen and done. Ira's mom had a lot of anxiety about this trip, saying it would probably be their last. She said it's too hard to leave to go so far away and she gets nervous about the distance.
Ira's dad is due to visit us in just over a week. He's been having a tough time since his wife died and Ira and I have been calling him every day to keep tabs on him. They were married a long time and he's really lonesome and very displaced without her. He'll be staying two weeks over Thanksgiving - which reminds me - I need to start planning my dinner and all.
My parents are doing good, but things are really changing with them. No more spur of the moment trips to see us these days. Dad's knee keeps him off the road for long periods of time and mom's allergies keep her pretty close to home too.
Times are a changin' aren't they? Cept' the damn weather - predictable, unpredictable, Minnesota. Brrrr! |
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| Not just the weather report |
[Nov. 6th, 2007|05:52 am] |
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| | contemplative | ] |
Today I woke up to a temperature of 33 degrees and a cold and nasty wind that steadily swirled the leaves all across my yard. You won't catch me complaining about the weather in the summer months - not even when a short walk to the car brings a sweat to my brow and causes endless sneezing throughout the day. No, no, not me! I can take the heat! I love the heat - you can say I LIVE for the heat. But this? Uh uh. This I detest.
So I'm thinkin' it's going to be a pretty crappy day all in all and I'm not all that thrilled about getting dressed and being out in it. It's Tuesday, which means I'll be visiting Theresa. I went last night for a short visit to do her nails, but she wasn't in the mood to let me so I promised I'd do them tonight. I also have some of her laundry I promised to do - Michele gets back tomorrow and I don't want her to have to come back to an overdue heap.
It's complicated about Michele. She's Theresa's daughter, also a friend of mine, and yeah I'm saying it, also my boss. NOT to be confused with visiting Theresa to impress her. We're way beyond that Theresa and I. We've been friends for a long time now and I think we just need each other. My grandmothers' have been out of my reach for a long, long time now and she's a sweet lady who was glad to make a new friend. We fit perfectly together.
Anyway - it's Tuesday and that means I'll be making the trek there after work, and then coming home to a dinner Ira has to plan. That means we'll probably be going out! That man of mine is no cook, but he does know how to pick the good eating spots!
Time to get ready. I think it's a jeans type of day even though it's not supposed to be. Ivy got away with it yesterday and I think I'll try my hand at it today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|12:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
Another busy weekend - not bad, just busy. Amelia arrived on Friday, like always, only this time sporting a (gawd-awful) pirate tatoo on her cheek! She was so proud of it because it was given to her when she went trick-or-treating at the college her big sis attends. There was no removing it when Saturday ballet class came along so I finally gave up and accepted it. That little girl is strong-willed!
We went to the gym again today. The Sunday routine is that Ira swims and then takes a sauna while Amelia and I go upstairs. I work out on one of the machines while Amelia passes the time right next to me - playing the PSP, the Nintendo DS Lite, or watching a movie on the IPod. Where would we be without those electronic devices! Anyway, after about 30 minutes or so, I bring Amelia downstairs and Ira swims with her while I do another machine. Then after about another 30 minutes or so I meet them in the family locker room where we get Amelia showered and changed before going home.
After a scrumptious lunch we watched Spiderman 2 so that next weekend we can watch Spiderman 3, which I just bought. I'm still crocheting Amelia's mittens and she's still hooking her rug. We cuddled on the couch with the dogs and daddy and it made for a pretty relaxing day before having to bring her home.
Ira found a boat he wants to buy and believe it or not, I'm pretty excited about this one. It's absolutely beautiful and I think if everything goes okay, we'll pick it up next weekend. The guy that's selling it is going through a divorce and needs the money. I told Ira I'm going to make him some cookies and bring him a treat basket if we end up buying the boat. I feel bad for him - he sounded a little sad when he and Ira talked.
If we get this boat we'll definitely be keeping our slip at the yacht club - we'll definitely need it because it's so big. I can't wait for summer to get back here again!
Time to hit the sack. I have a handsome man waiting for me and then there's the whole Monday morning crap.... .
PS Our little girl had her first conference at school. Word is she's very smart but likes to "chat" during class. Where have I heard that before? Hmmm! |
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| Happy Halloween! |
[Oct. 31st, 2007|05:54 am] |
Long day at work again. So much stuff to do that I barely have time to finish one thing before another is already overdue. Ivy and I had a working lunch - meaning we went over some photography needs I have before she leaves for Peru next week. It was gulp, gulp, gulp, explain, explain, explain, and back to the office again. I guess being busy has its perks though - the day definitely races by and it's time to go home.
Last night I packed fun treats for the neighborhood kids - this year I know more of them than I have in year's past. Not sure why that is, but I do. The whole "Trick or Treating" lasted barely an hour and I ran out of candy about the same time the kids stopped coming. Good timing!!
Ira and I watched a little television and then he continued with his search for a dream boat while I practiced my guitar. My fingers are starting to tingle now - I think that's a good sign.
Sent Scarlett a Haloween card with a little money. Didn't hear back from Jas to say thanks or that she liked the cute card I picked out. I guess out of sight, out of mind. |
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| Ruth Johnson |
[Oct. 29th, 2007|05:46 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
 Several months ago I sent a letter by snail mail, to my former sister-in-law, Ruthie. She was married to my brother and was more like a sister than a sister-in-law. I mailed it to Chile, not really expecting it to find her since it was an old address. And even though I tried not to get my hopes up, after all it was a long shot, I am still pretty sad that I haven't heard anything. I miss her. I wish I knew where she was.
I hate when people divorce people and you're just supposed to forget about the one who goes away. |
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